Beginning Again
by Smashley3524
Summary: Based after 5x07. Ratings may also progress to more mature as the story line continues. Gail stood up and threw down her last half empty bottle of alcohol and knew she had to talk to Holly. She just had to apologize again. Maybe she'd listen this time if she just showed up and poured her heart out. Sure, it would be a little slurred but what could go wrong, right?
1. Chapter 1

**I am so heartbroken about what happened in 5x03! that i had to write this. Lol So this is set after that. I own nothing in this document except my imagination. ;)**

After work, Gail went home grabbed her bourbon that she kept in her cabinets and sat down on the couch in front of her tv. Not bothering to get a glass, she drank it straight from the bottle and sulked as she remembered the teary look on Holly's face as she had walked away earlier. The last thing Gail ever wanted to do was hurt Holly and now she realized just how much she had and it killed her. She figured she might as well drink away as much of her memory as possible.

Unfortunately it didn't work as she planned. Hours passed and 2 empty bottles of bourbon and whiskey sat on her floor. As she stared at them blankly, memories of Holly flooded her mind from the night Gail came home and chopped her hair off. Holly seemed to fix everything so effortlessly. The way she felt then in that moment was more love and passion and even lust than she had ever felt with anyone from her past.  
Gail stood up and threw down her last half empty bottle of alcohol and knew she had to talk to Holly. She just had to apologize again. Maybe she'd listen this time if she just showed up and poured her heart out. Sure, it would be a little slurred but what could go wrong, right?  
-

After what seemed like a very long time stumbling past fences and tripping over her own feet, Gail managed to find Holly's house. Knocking confidently on her door, Gail leaned up against it to get some of the weight off of her tired feet. As Holly opened the door, Gail stumbled in and was graciously caught in Holly's arms.

She stood up as straight as possible and laughed. If it wasn't obvious that she was drunk before, the alcohol that rolled off her breath as she laughed uncomfortably close to Holly's face, made it very apparent now. Rolling her eyes, Holly breathed out "Gail, what are you doing here"?

"Look look look" Gail stuttered. "Everything is going to be okay! I'm gonna change. I'm not gonna be so bitchy all the time and I'm going to listen better and fix me and it will all work out perfect. i just... I just needed to see you, baby". She reaches her hand up hoping to brush Holly's beautifully olive complected cheek.

Holly sighs and stops Gail's hand before she can touch her. Both of their faces sadden noticeably as Holly's eyes start to water. She knows there's a chance Gail won't remember a word she says but she needs to get it off her chest anyways. "Gail... i knew before we even started actually seeing each other that you were known for self-sabotaging your relationships. You told me yourself with your whole 'cat in a tree' metaphor but that night at The Penny, not only did you not want to listen to a word i was trying to say but you said you would rather taze yourself in the eye than spend another minute with me... Even though i expected hurtful words, that broke my heart and i _STILL_ tried to reach out to you and called you over and over again and nothing..." Holly paused noticing how intently Gail was watching her lips as she spoke.

Gail always stopped listening when Holly started to ramble but Gail seemed to actually care and actually be hurt by the words she heard. "Usually this is where i'd kiss you to get you to stop rambling", Gail said trying to lighten the moment but Holly wasn't amused. "Okay okay, i know i acted immaturely but it was only out of self-preservation. I mean, you're so incredibly, breathtakingly beautiful in a sexy librarian sort of way and when you speak, the way your lips move is mesmerizing and you're so smart! Like SO smart and it's surprisingly sexy and the way you bite your lip subconsciously when you're working, i can't stop staring at you, i never want to look at anything else as long as i live because i love you Holly. Like, i really love you, in a way that i never knew love could exist and that terrifies the shit out of me..."

Gail looked up when she heard a sob break from Holly's perfect lips and noticed that she was crying. Gail looked startled and extremely sorry but Holly looked away. As she turned around to wipe a tear from her cheek, Gail grabbed her arm, "I'm sorry..." Gail spit out, immediately regretting whatever she'd said to hurt Holly like this. "I shouldn't have come over. This is the last thing i wanted, Hol. I can't hurt you anymore. I won't. It's tearing me apart from the inside out, seeing you like this. I'm so sorry" She repeated. Holly never looked away from Gail's eyes this time, never knowing such sincerity even existed in the blonde. Gail turned to walk away.

Holly stood her ground as another tear rolled down her cheek. How could she be sure Gail even knew what she was saying right now? She was more intoxicated than Holly ever remembered seeing her and she'd seen her fair share of the drunken blonde. She hadn't missed the fact that Gail had just said she loved her for the first time and she couldn't help but take it to heart but the thought that Gail could soon forget she'd said it at all, terrified Holly because she'd known for a while that she loved Gail which is why all of this had such big impact on her. But she couldn't let Gail walk home in her condition, knowing she may not even make it.

"Gail..." Holly said barely loud enough for Gail to hear. Turning around with hopeful eyes, she waited for Holly to speak again.  
"How are you gonna get home..?"  
"Oh, I'm just gonna walk. That's how i got here, plus, it'll give me a chance to reflect.."

Holly knew how difficult it would be to resist Gail if she was within mere feet from her the whole night but she had no other choice. She didn't even want to think about Gail not making it home.

So Holly sighed and said "Why don't you..." She cleared her throat trying to shake away her thoughts. "Why don't you stay here... Just for the night. You're way too drunk to walk all the way home by yourself. You'll never make it"  
Gail knew the brunette was probably right but she couldn't put Holly through having to deal with her all night, let alone, trying to resist her herself.

Gail opened her mouth to protest when Holly interrupted, "Just get in here, Gail." She loved how Holly's voice could be demanding yet so full of love at the same time. There was no way she could refuse her so she continued back towards the door where the beautiful woman stood waiting. Their fingers brushing as she walked past her; Holly's muffled gasp caused Gail to close her eyes and reminisce about the sensations Holly could send through her body just by touching her. They both missed each other so much but they had a lot to work through before they could even think about where their relationship could go from here.

**So i know it isn't much but i needed a foundation for the story to start on. Future chapters will get better and i have no intentions on keeping them separated. lol so don't worry about that.**


	2. Chapter 2

Holly and Gail sat in silence on opposite sides of Holly's front room. Holly taking the couch, Gail taking a small recliner in the corner. Both avoiding the impending conversation they knew they needed to have. Holly wasn't sure that she wanted to have it right now with Gail being as drunk as she was but part of her wondered if she'd get more vulnerability and more straight honesty out of her that way. She looked up from the hole she'd stared through the floor and noticed Gail was staring at her legs while she bit nervously on her thumb nail.

Her eyes burned a path up Holly's long legs to where they crossed at the bottom of her oversized tshirt that she was wearing as a nightgown that came up slightly above her knees. Holly couldn't help but smile at the blatent lust in Gail's bloodshot eyes. It was never something she hid very well. It was a look Holly knew and had started falling in love with before that night at the Penny and she thought she'd never see it again. She chuckled softly and did her best to pull her tshirt down below her knees. Gail cleared her throat, snapping out of a beautiful daze and pretended that she was really looking at something else.

Holly was the first to break the silence. "Look, you need to get some rest and sober up. Let's talk about this in the morning. K?" Gail looked up, only nodding, afraid her voice would be too shaky to speak. Holly was the only person in the world that had this sort of affect on her. Holly stood and Gail mimicked her movement."I know it isn't much but you can sleep on the couch. It's just for the night so it shoudn't be too terrible but I can get you a pillow and a blanket."

Gail gave her best greatful expression. She WAS greatful but she was afraid things would never be the same between them and she hated the thought. Holly left the room to get the pillow and blanket and Gail made her way over to the couch and sat down. She noticed pictures on the walls that she hadn't noticed before. A picture of Holly in what looked like a high school softball team, pictures of her and her family. Gail stared at the pictures of Holly for moments without blinking, noticing the obviously happy smile that she had in every picture. That's all Gail wanted and she hated herself for taking that away from her. Even if it meant her own sadness, nothing else mattered but making sure that those genuine smiles would return to Holly's face sooner rather than later.

Holly returned with a pillow in one hand and what looked like a change of clothes in the other. Gail grimaced at the pink tshirt she noticed in her hand. Holly noticed her face and replied sarcastically, "i know pink is totally your favorite color and everything" she gave her a playful wink "but it's all i have that's clean. It's laundry day. I just figured it would be better than the tight clothes you have on." Gail looked down realizing she hadn't changed since she left work. She let out a playfully unhappy growl and accepted the clothes Holly was holding towards her. Holly couldn't help but giggle at how cute Gil could be when her guard was down.

"Would you like some water?" Holly said, looking away from Gail's all-too-alluring eyes. "You've got to be pretty dehydrated judging by your alcoholic intake." Gail would never admit it out loud but she loved when Holly's nerdy came out. There was something so adorable about it. Even just the slightest things. Gail Smiled."Sure, dork." Holly walked to the kitchen with a smirk on her face. She really did love Gail.

The kitchen was connected to the front room, the only seperation was from the island counter that was about 20 feet from the couch that Gail was standing in front of. While Holly was getting her a glass of water she slipped out of her pants and put on the pair of tight fitting black shorts that felt like sweatpant material and then silpped out of the tight sweater she had on. Just as she was about to put on the pink tshirt that Holly had given her, she heard a glass drop a few feet away from her. Gail Jumped and turned around just in time to catch Holly staring ever-so-longingly at her naked torso. Gail had been having one of those days and didn't feel like putting a bra on when she'd left work, figuring she'd just go home. Although she thought Holly would take a longer in the kitchen, she was kinda glad that she didn't.

Holly cleared her throat and bent down to pick up the broken glass on the ground. Gail tried to hide her flattered smile as she turned back around to pull the pink shirt over her head then knelt at Holly's side to help her with the glass.

"You okay?" Gail asked, trying not to smirk.  
"Yeah yeah, i just... I um... I tripped. There's a spot on the carpet back there that i always seem to forget about. I mean... I don't know why. You'd figure i'd be used to it by now, you know? But I admit to being a cluts when it comes to that kind of thing"  
"What kind of thing, exactly?" Gail asked with a heavy double meaning behind her words knowing what actually caused the brunette to drop the glass. She looked up into beautiful brown eyes that stared back at her. Then Holly looked back down towards the glass, avoiding Gail's question.

Once it was all picked up, Holly fixed Gail another glass of water and they both retreated to their sleeping areas without barely a word. Both knowing they couldn't keep this up much longer.

Holly woke up to the smell of coffe and something sweet that she couldn't quite pinpoint. She pulled her robe over herself and made her way downstairs to see Gail in the kitchen hovering over the stove. Holly couldn't help but size up the beautiful blonde. Her legs perfectly toned from her job as a police officer, the way the shorts clung tightly to her thighs and the way they defined every detail from there up. She wanted to badly to wrap her arms around Gail right now. To feel her warmth, her love. It had been too long. Gail didn't notice Holly was there until she had pulled a chair out and sat down at the island.

Slightly startling Gail, she turned to face the brunette with a sad look on her face. "Nooo, i was going to bring this to you in bed. It was going to be my thank you for letting me crash here."

Holly smirked at Gail's adorable voice. "What are you making exactly?"

"French toast." Gail said, turning back to face the pan on the stove and flipping the piece of bread over. "I remember we were talking about breakfast once and you said breakfast was something only couples did and..." She paused as she caught what she had just said. "Not that we're... A couple. I was just... Anyways, you mentioned your favorite breakfast food was french toast but that you never had the right ingredients to make it. Even though i found all i needed right here in your kitchen." She turned to wink at the brunette who seemed to be in a daze and staring at her ass.

Gail's smile widened and she purposely bent over to reach the other counter next to her, and poured coffee into one of the cups that she'd set out. She turned back to face Holly and handed her the cup. That seemed to be the only thing to bring Holly's gaze back to eye level.

Gail watched as she slowly brought the cup up to her lips. As she sipped it slowly, she closed her eyes and let out a low moan that made Gail involuntarily bite her lip.

"Gail, this is amazing. What's in it?"

Gail smiled, satisfied with the sounds Holly made. "I just added some cinnimon, nutmeg, and vanilla extract. It's just something i picked up from early mornings at the academy"

Holly sipped and moaned again. "Wait... I have those things in my kitchen?"

Gail laughed and turned back to face the frying pan with the french toast in it and tried her hardest to ignore the beautiful and unintentionally sensual noises that the amazing woman behind her kept making. But no matter how hard she tried, Holly was making it nearly impossible for Gail to focus and not turn around and kiss every inch of her body.

Gail cleared her throat, trying to contain herself before she spoke. "Hol... Love... I'm really gonna need you to stop making those noises..."

Holly looked up and realized that Gail hadn't moved in a while and she grinned from ear to ear. She loved the affect she had on Gail without even touching her. "Sorry" was all she said, with a smile on her face and she continued drinking.

They both sat down at the island with their coffee and plates of french toast and looked at each other. Gail reluctantly looked away and softly said "You know, i remember everything i said to you last night... And i meant every word. I don't expect you to forgive me yet, but i am going to change. I'm going to fix me. I'll do anything you want, really. I'll do anything at all as long as you never look at me the way you did in the hallway when you walked away from me..." Gail faded out towards the end of her sentence but Holly heard every word.

Holly took a deep breath, preparing herself before she spoke. "I don't want you to change, Gail... Just, maybe... Listen to me more" She smiled lightly "and give me the benefit of the doubt sometimes. I'm not perfect."

Gail looked up at her and made sure she looked her in the eyes while she whispered, "Well you're pretty damn close."

They both stared longingly into each others eyes for moments. No speaking, no weirdness, just the same passion they started out with in the coat closet.

"So what does this mean?" Gail asked lightly making sure not to assume anything.

"This means... That you kinda dig me." She laughed jokingly.  
Gail laughed and nudged her arm "oh, really..."

Holly continued "It also means that you're going to kiss me now because i've really missed you, Gail and i don't know if i can take any more of this being so close to you and not being able to..."

Her sentence was cut short as Gail pressed her lips to Holly's in a searing kiss. Holly gave in willingly and hooked two fingers through Gail's belt loops and pulled her up and closer until they were both standing against each other. Gail slowly slid her fingers down Holly's neck and into the shoulders of her robe and pushed it off her shoulders.. Holly complied and let it fall the rest of the way off before breaking their kiss and looking into Gail's eyes and whispering... "And i love you too.."

So i think I'm going to leave this chapter like that. I hope it wasn't too long, i just wanted it to end on a good note. Now it can only get better from here.


End file.
